My FAILURE & MY DREAMS!!

Everybody has some dreams about their future. I don't. Weird, isn't it? I am a guy who loves to enjoy his present to the fullest, forgetting what happened in the past and what will happen in the near future.I live in present, sometimes it is beneficial and sometimes not! My uncle used to ask me a simple yet perplexed question quite often, with all the sincerity, that where do i find "Naman Bansal" after 5 years? I tried to answer him, with the sincerity level aiming to touch his, but couldn't! I smiled, feeling guilty but not ashamed. There's a minute difference between guiltiness and shamelessness. The former occurs when you know that you could have done a thing but you didn't, and the latter occurs when you didn't even bother to do a thing, without even thinking that you can do it or not! Earlier, i find it really tough to think that whether i was guilty or ashamed? I was guilty.
I can answer it now!!

Today i wanna tell you a story. The story of me and my failure!

Going back to the past, i joined this BRILLIANT TUTORIALS in class 11th which aim to provide quality preparation to the aspiring kids for IIT exam. Seriously speaking, i was doing pretty nice there. Though i was not amongst the topper but i was giving the so called "toppers" a run for their money as well as marks. My physics teacher, Mr.Harsh Kumar always used to boost me up by portraying me as the future IIT cracker!
 I was pretty happy that i will make it. I studied hard and even harder! But as soon as i came in class 12th, the things changed quite horribly.I was finding it hard to score marks, to understand the elementary operations. The things that seemed quite lucid in the first year are suddenly the "hardest" thing in the world!
To make worse worst, a girl entered my life. Apart from my mother and sisters, girls have always been disastrous for me. She struck when i never wished to. But yeah, she did. In the last two months before my competitive exams, i didn't study with the passion i should. And, that shook me badly and ultimately i ended up in NON-IIT college!! That was the time when everyone started blaming me and i started blaming myself!
But, i never felt ashamed because i always know my worth and what i am capable of. I was guilty, i am still guilty and for that "one mistake" of mine i will always remain guilty forever my life!

But, the lesson learnt during that phase of my life is highly admired by me now in a way that today i am thinking about my dreams. In my next post, i am going to tell you all some mandatory dreams that i possess.
The dreams that i'll make reality. Until next time, its a bye from my side. Take care and be good!

Leaving you all with one quote about dreams.

"Dreams are like winds, sometimes they blow heavily across our head like a storm , sometimes they crawl like a calm, but they are always there and without them we cannot even "dream" to exist"

MY ACTIONS AND YOUR WORDS!

Today i wanna write! Yes, i want to. My last two days were very nice, as i enjoyed with all i had in my college fest. But the enjoyment ended pretty soon when one mishap happened that shook me quite badly. I can't share it with you all, but yes there's one thing i can do and that is to write a song cum poem that me and one of my friend have been fantasising and preparing in our head since a long time! A song of memory, imagination, and ofcourse hope!

I know i was never right, but,
the feelings inside me were never wrong.
I never kept up my words,
as the thoughts inside me never kept up with me!

Though you never asked me to leave,
but your actions said much more then to leave.
So i am going to a place,
where i can be all alone,
a place where memories would look to escape,
a place where shadow will leave the soul,
a place where you will never look me for!

And if one day your heart will fall for me,
you'll only be left with with your dreams to look me for!

I know i was never right, and,
when i am gone,
just ask your mind to forget me,
just ask your thoughts to leave me, and,
just ask your heart not to love me!

But, somewhere, somehow,
i feel that you can't,
and that day when your heart will fall for me,
you'll only be left with your tears to look me for, and.
you'll only be left with "you" to regret for!!

But, still,
I'll be waiting,
with the door wide open,
for us to reopen,
the chapter of love and life that was always meant to be open!!

Hope you all like this. In this song without music, the contribution goes to my friend as well to some people who actually inspired me to write this today!! Until next time, its bye from my side. Take care and be good!!

AS IT IS-CRYING!!

I don't know how to start this post. I don't know what i am thinking at the moment, but all i know is that there's some weird feeling building within my "moral" self that's been tempting me to do something immoral. So, here i am, trying to extract some sanity from "presently" ever growing insanity in my head!

Sometimes, we don't know for what reason we are sad,  we want to cry! This happens with everyone, even with me. I am not a person who cries too often, but i do. Some people believe that boys do not cry and if they see a boy crying they might paste comments like, " Are you a girl, dude? " and many more related questions!! I just wanna tell such people "Boys are also humans and they cry too". If they could laugh out loud, they can also cry out loud and if they can make you laugh out loud, they could also make you cry out loud too.

In this "attempted" poem of mine, i am portraying the power of something called as "Crying". Here it goes.

I am a boy,

moving  home happily,

meeting all friends blissfully,

creeping in sinfully, and,

smiling out loudly!

Sitting alone fixed like glue,
out of the blue,
comes the intruder new,
i tried to fu** this water back inside, for,
i just wanna hide this salt water!

I went back in the past,
thinking of the earlier blast,
that broadcasted my sincere aghast, but,
bypassed my aghast "fast" !

Soon i came back to this life,
i realised this water's might.
In this white salt water room,
i decided to actually bloom.

The salt water is now gone, and,
i get a new change on.
The old mask has fallen down, and,
i get a new crown!


Hope you all like this. In the end i just wanna say that we all want to cry, someday, sometime, without reason or with any reason. Go on, cry, cry out loud. But always remember one thing before you actually start to burst. "Never let your precious tears get wasted on someone who won't be with you when you stop crying, cry for your own good, never for creeps"...

Until next time, its bye from my side.Take care and be good!! This post might not be that good as others were, but i just wanted to speak to someone who will never "ignore" me.

START LOVING IT!!

In the last week i was in the kind of "copyright" mode, pondering more and writing less on paper. First of all, i wanna thank you all for appreciating my "attempted" ode to all the mothers!

Today, what i am gonna write is the thing that i have been chewing over the whole week, searching for the time to chew it out So, here i am to chew it out and loud! Umm. Maybe. ;) 

A secret-teller might be your best friend or best enemy. Luckily, there are few people in my life to whom i am a secret-keeper and they call me their best friend or their brother! They usually ask me a question that i will  tell you later on. Before that, go on and read this poem!! Three-fourth of this poem is true and the rest is fiction! "I" in this poem is not "me" (remember), but someone close to all of us or maybe us!

Sitting alone in the quilt,
dreaming of all we did built,
looking to all we did miss,and,
dreaming of all we did kiss.

You said, 'Two can't be one' ,
i said, 'I am zero and you are one'.
You said, 'How can you be zero?' ,
I said, ' I can, for i just wanna be your hero'.
You said, 'Move on'.
i cried, but,
"virtually"
I moved on!

Thinking that this earth is round,
"As told" ,
Everything takes a round,
i was actually on the same place,
waiting for you to take some pace, but,
what the hell did i face?
Just another ignorant phase.

Wondering if Columbus is wrong,
I started to "actually" move on,
soon realising that he was right,
as i find the girl right, and,
as i find this earth's might, and,
as i find this "life" bright!
;)

I hope you all like this poem. Actually there's a secret incitement behind this poem! Remember, i told you that I'll tell you about the query that my life-drivers used to ask me? The person we like do not like us back.Why?(Remember, it is just an example). The answer is simple.
Earlier i used to shit this question off, but one day i realised that this question is not worth shit. There's a point in everyone's life when we feel that why the hell we are on the tossing list of  life. We curse this life, God, etc etc. The way we are tossed up and down may include minor and major issues .Some of them may be related to Love, studies, family, unrecognisable loneliness etc. The reason why i chose "love" as the topic of my poem is also very lucid. It's because love is the thing with which we relate ourselves very easily and with fast emotions!

The life never screw us up, it might be a strict teacher but always a good companion that is making us stronger and harder with every passing second. While we are busy cursing this life during the time of a small rough patch, what we forget is the fact that after this phase of life what we do achieve is "gem" of a thing! The thing of a life time! A single "no" of insanity is not always insane, it might be "yes" for myriad sane things! The things which we gonna enjoy for the rest of our life!

"LOVE" life the way it comes, don't try to control it but to amend it, since this life is not only a stringent teacher but also the faithful and never ending companion! Until next time, its bye from my side. Take care and
love to live this life..